


before we fell apart

by pinkyharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcoholic Harry, Angst, Broken Harry, Crying Harry, Depressed Harry, Fluff, Harry and Louis - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, I hope you enjoy this, Love, M/M, Sad, Sad Harry, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, WIP, and don't kill me, because it get really sad, break-up, harryandlouis, i literally suck at tagging, im gonna shut up now, larry - Freeform, larry stylinson - Freeform, lourry, okay i'm sorry, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-18
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-16 04:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1332493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkyharry/pseuds/pinkyharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>louis' just trying to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </blockquote>





	before we fell apart

**Author's Note:**

> okay so hello loves!
> 
> this is my first fic which i started forever ago, and i figured that i would continue with it! soo it's a wip at the moment, please bare with me.
> 
> anywayss, if you actually enjoy my writing, please leave me a comment! i'd like any input/criticism you guys have for me. 
> 
> thank you for reading! xx
> 
> ( btw find me on twitter as @pinkyharry ! )

Harry could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he stared at the wall, a thousand thoughts running through his head. As much as he tried to push them away, they all seemed to drift back to Louis. Him and Louis had broken up three months ago. The reasons were stupid, pointless rather, and they both regretted it. They hadn't spoken though, but Harry didn't speak to anyone anymore, really. He kept himself shut out, away from everyone. He had taken up drinking, and was hardly sober anymore, although drinking couldn't even keep his thoughts away from Louis. It made him numb though, and that was enough.

Harry had his back against the wall and a bottle in his hand. He couldn't take it anymore, he didn't want to live without Louis. He _couldn't _live without Louis. He got up, shakily making his way to the bathroom and reaching for a bottle of pills, planning on downing them all to end the pain. He took a deep breath, staring at himself in the mirror and trying to work up the courage. He sighed defeatedly, tears stinging his eyes as he pulled his phone out, immediately dialing Louis' phone number for the first time since everything fell apart.__

It rang once. Twice. Three times. There was a slight muffled sound before Louis spoke.

"Harry?" His voice was frail and soft, fragile. Like his words could fall apart and shatter right then and there. Harry took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he repeated his voice in his head. The voice he had needed to hear after so long. And he said his fucking name. _Harry. _He shook his head, knowing if he spoke, he would lose it. There was a silence, broken by Louis' shaky intake of breath. "Harry?" He repeated, his voice coming out stronger, and a bit more urgent. A weak sound came from the back of Harry's throat and he tried his best not to cry, he really did. But Louis was there, he was on the other side of the call, he was so fucking _close.___

The next thing he knew, his tears were spilling over and his breath caught in his throat, a quiet whimper escaping. "Harry, talk to me." Louis' voice sounded from the speaker, which made Harry cry even harder. "What's wrong, what hap- _Harry. _" Louis pleaded, the urgency now very prominent in his voice. Harry couldn't think straight, wasn't sure if he could even form words. He dropped the bottle to the floor, and it shattered when it hit the ground. "L-Louis I can't- I can't do this anymore, I need you, where are you, you're not here, you're gone, I can't _do _this." It all came out at once, words slurring together. His hand was now around a bottle of pills, twisting desperately at the cap. He couldn't get it open, oblivious to the child-proof seal, and throwing the bottle into the sink with a choked sob. "It won't fucking open." He breathed, pressing a palm to his eye as he felt his head spinning. "No- Harry, no, _listen to me. _" Louis begged, a desperate tinge to his voice, his words coming out quickly. "Harry, I'm coming, don't- I'm coming, I'm here, okay? Please, Harry please." He said quickly, his voice wavering and the sound of shuffling in the background. Harry just nodded, whether Louis could see him or not. He gripped onto the sink, as if it were the only thing that could hold him up, squeezing his eyes shut.______

Louis found him passed out and huddled on the floor.

Harry woke up in his bed, his head still pounding with two arms wrapped barely around his waist. He jumped, startled at the realization that he lived alone and _who was in his bed? "Shh, 'sokay. It's just me." A familiar voice murmured, soft and gentle and comforting. Louis._

Harry looked up slowly, meeting the eyes of the boy he once knew so well. The boy that was once _his _\- and hell- if that didn't hurt, what did? Louis was looking back at him with a small, hesitant smile. His eyes were red and puffy, obviously from crying, and Harry knew he caused it. Harry frowned, a crease appearing on his forehead as he furrowed his eyebrows. "Lou.." He murmured, his hand moving up to cup Louis' cheek, thumbing away a fallen tear. "Lou, I'm- I'm fine, you don't need to- don't cry okay?" He spoke gently. Louis shook his head, staring back at Harry in disbelief. "Harry, you're not fine. You tried to fucking kill yourself, you were about to- how could you? Do you know how much I think about you everyday? I worry so much, and I had no idea you were.." He sighed, rubbing his face with his hands. "Harry, I thought you had moved on and were happy. I've been a mess without you and- fuck- this has all been a mistake. You are so important, Harry, to so many people. Knowing that you were out there somewhere kept me going everyday, and if I had known you weren't happy- fuck- I would have been here for you. I'm so sorry, Harry- I'm so so sorry." He ended, his breath catching on the final word as he broke down into tears again.__

Harry's heard jumped as he watched Louis desolve into tears, quickly shushing him. "No, baby, I'm sorry, please don't cry. Please don't, it's okay, everything's okay now." He whispered, pulling Louis to his chest and rubbing circles into his back in an attempt to calm him. "I'm so sorry, Lou." He murmured into Louis' hair, emotion seeping into his words. "We can fix this. We'll be alright, everything'll be okay."

-

That was three months ago. Since then, everything had pretty much fallen back into routine of how it was before, and it was as if none of it had ever happened. The thing was - Harry wouldn't talk about it. Every time Louis tried to bring it up, Harry would curl in on himself, shut down. Louis had no idea how to go about bringing it up, and whenever he did, he regretted it, always having to coax Harry out of silence. Once the color returned to Harry's face and his breathing steadied again, he'd be back to normal. That scared Louis, scared him so fucking much. He didn't know what it was or why Harry wouldn't just _talk _to him, and he was just so worried.__

He knew Harry had a problem, and that this problem obviously wasn't going away on it's own. He still drank on occasion, although Louis could see it in the way Harry's hands shook and the way his eyes shifted that he still itched for alcohol in his veins, needed it like the air that filled his lungs. It was a security blanket for him. A shoulder to turn to. The days that Harry did get drunk, he'd come home stumbling and in tears, repeating the same thing. _"Louis, don't leave me. Please don't leave me."_

Louis could never forgive himself for what he did to Harry. Every night he had to pick up the pieces, desperately trying to put them back together in the dark. He could never find where the jagged pieces fit, and he swore they hadn't been there before. It's like some pieces were taken away, replaced with these sharp edges and ends. Louis never knew how to put them back together, but he was trying.

-

"Lou?" Harry called, balancing on his tiptoes as he reached up and dug through the cupboards above the kitchen sink.

"Hmm?" Louis peered out from around the door, tooth brush hanging from his mouth. And no, his eyes definitely didn't trail down to Harry's little bum as he watched the boy's torso stretch.

"Stop staring." Harry grinned, glancing behind his shoulder and catching Louis in the act- to which he averted his eyes away, looking down at his nails innocently.

"No idea what you're talking about, love." He scoffed around his toothbrush, a playful glint in his eyes as he peered back up. "What is it you wanted?"

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Where's the pancake mix?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows as he turned his attention back to digging through the cabinets.

"Babe," Louis chuckled, disappearing for a moment to spit out his toothpaste before coming out of the bathroom. He came up behind Harry, wrapping his arms around his thin waist and nuzzling into his back.

Harry relaxed at the touch, turning around in Louis' arms.

"You're honestly getting so ridiculous, Haz."

"What'd I do?"

Louis reached behind Harry, grabbing the pancake mix that had been out right in front of the boy the whole time. He waved it in front of his face, giggling.

Harry opened his mouth to say something, then shut it, groaning and covering his face with his hands.

"You may be painfully adorable, but you're as blind as a bat." Louis teased, grinning as he drew Harry's hands away from his face and placed a sloppy kiss to his cheek, shoving the box into his hand. "Appreciate the thoughtfulness, though. Making pancakes for your loving boyfriend. What a charmer, this one." He pointed a thumb at Harry, laughing.

"Shut up." Harry pouted, continuing to gather the things he needed to make the pancakes.

"I love youuu," Louis drawled out, leaning over the counter and blowing kisses to Harry, causing a lovely shade of pink to settle across the boy's cheeks.

"I love you too. Now _shut up. _" Harry spoke, biting back a smile as he felt Louis' eyes on him.__

Louis held his hands up in defense, throwing a wink at the boy as he watched Harry whisk the batter.

"You are _quite _the baker, Mr. Styles. Look at you, whisking all proper and all." Louis smirked.__

__Harry laughed quietly, pouring the batter into the pancake maker and turning to Louis._ _

__"Get over here and kiss me, loser." He grinned, making grabby hands at him._ _

__"Quite demanding this morning, are we, babes?" Louis chuckled, hopping up on the counter and sliding over to Harry. He wrapped his legs around his waist and pulled him him closer._ _

__Harry nudged his nose against Louis'. "Don't seem to have a problem with it, hm?"_ _

__Louis shook his head, tilting his chin up and brushing his lips against Harry's as he spoke. "Never said I was complaining."_ _

__Harry eased down against Louis' lips, kissing him languidly before they turned into slow and sluggish pecks._ _

__Louis pushed at Harry's chest, breaking the two of them apart. Harry's eyes fluttered open slowly, his cheeks flushed and hair a bit tousled. Louis smirked._ _

__"Don't wanna burn the pancakes." He murmured, nudging Harry towards the pancake maker with his toe._ _

__"Huh?" Harry blinked, still dazed from the kiss. "Oh, right." He turned back to the pancakes._ _

__Louis chuckled, satisfied with the effect he had on the boy. He slid off the counter and slumped down in a chair at the table._ _


End file.
